ashamed

הגוף שלי נברא בצלם אלוקים

My body was created in the image of God. My body was pure. My body was good, all of it was good. But suddenly he came in to my life. And he touched my body that belonged  to me! My body doesn’t feel pure anymore. My body isn’t what it used to be. It was […]

swing

I didn’t want – לא רציתי

English Below לא רציתי את החיוך שלו. לא רציתי את העוגיות שלו. לא רציתי שהזכרונות ישארו. לא רציתי אותו בחיים שלי. בכלל. לא אהבתי את העיניים שלו, לא אהבתי ללכת לדירה שלו. לא אהבתי את תשומת הלב המיוחד שלו. לא אהבתי אותו. בכלל. שנאתי כשהוריד את הבגדים שלי. שנאתי שנגע בגוף הטהור שלי. שנאתי את […]

26c1dbae431a8cf612a59ff68752b3b3

THIS is an abuse survivor’s number one fear

I have previously expounded on the some of the guilt and shame that accompanies survivors of child sexual abuse. I want to share a little more about how untreated shame and guilt can progress to the point where substance abuse and/or suicide seems like the only answer for survivors. One morning, when I was in […]

20100104185434_break_free_3_24_09_4223

Here’s how I took back control after I was abused

Having survived sexual abuse at the age of 12, I can only describe the secrets that followed as lugging around a gut-wrenching 100-pound object everywhere I went.. It was the invisible elephant in the room no matter where I ran. My attitude was that I did not choose this life nor did I want it—I […]

2017-04-19 (8)

[VIDEO] Rabbi Yosef Blau (YU) Speaks Up For Child Sex Abuse Survivors

“The prohibition against speaking Lashon Hara is used to cover-up abuse.” At a JCW awareness event in 2016, Rabbi Yosef Blau addresses the issues of child sexual abuse in the orthodox community, cover-ups, reporting abuse to the police, and supporting survivors. Watch this powerful talk by the Mashgiach Ruchani (spiritual adviser) at Yeshiva University and a […]

bigstock-Woman-Silhouette-Waiting-For-S-5824100-600x400

חירות שלי

עבור רבים מבני הנוער ששרדו התעללות מינית בילדות, במיוחד בתוך המסגרת המשפחתית, מציאת שירותים טיפוליים נאותים והסדרי מגורים, הינו אתגר עצום שלעיתים קרובות אף לא ניתן להתמודד עימו. הקטע הבא נכתב באומץ על ידי שורדת של JCW, על החוויה המטלטלת שלה במציאת סוף כל סוף מקום שעונה על ההגדרות הללו. ***** חירות להיות בית אמיתי […]

F170307CL03-800x400

Purim Safety Guidelines from Jewish Community Watch

Purim is a really fun time for kids and adults alike, and it means lots of visiting family and friends! It’s important to keep in mind that 95% of abuse occurs at the hands of someone well known to the child, which makes it so important to stay educated and proactive while avoiding unnecessary panic […]

swing

It is not ok – לא בסדר

לא בסדר שהתחפש לאיש ישר והגון לא בסדר שקסם לי בעיניים עם עוגיה לא בסדר שהכריח אותי לא בסדר שהשתמש בגוף שלי בשביל למלא את תאוותיו ורצוניו, לא בסדר שלקח ממני את שנות ילדותי הרכות והתמימות, לא בסדר שהכניס לחיים שלי חושך, פחד, כאב, צער ודאגה כל האשמה- שלו! אשמתו שחיי’ התנפצו לרסיסים אשמתו שילדותי […]

ashamed

The Confusion Of Incest

Originally published in Neshamas. My adoration for him was the moon and sun, The sky and earth. Even after my my blocked memories resurfaced, And my seething anger ceased, I still saw him, Through those bright blue eyes, And blue Bais Yaakov uniform. He was still my special brother, The one who protected me. The […]

mom daughter

A Letter to myself as a little girl – מכתב לילדה הקטנה שבליבי

כואב לי שכואב לך. כואב לי שההורים שלי לא ידעו כואב לי שהרס והחריב את החיים שלי כואב לי שאני חיה אותו כל פעם מחדש כואב לי שאני חושבת עליו כואב לי ששלט בי כואב לי שנגע בגוף שלי כואב לי כואב לי שלא נוח לי בגוף שלי כואב לי שאני “קשה” על עצמי כואב […]

mirror

Is There An Exit? A Survivor’s Poem

Songs of hope fail me. Dance of faith walks away from me. Left alone, In the shadows of darkness. Left to be, In the mercy of light.   For light of day so far, Do I see.   For dark of night, Not only near, Yet, Within me.   Escape this death of, Abuse. My […]

pain

I want to talk about the pain

I want to talk about the pain. It comes back now and it’s just as intense and as stabbing as it was then. It is amazing how imaginary pain can feel so real. But it isn’t the imaginary pain I want to talk about. I think that will disappear when I can finally deal with […]

support2

Words of advice from one survivor to another

Last month JCW Israel finished its first women’s survivors support group in Jerusalem. At the end of the group we asked the amazing participants to share their words of wisdom and advice to survivors.   Here is the last of a series essays we have shared over the past month. *** PLEASE don’t ever judge […]

dark

I was abused when I was 12, here’s why I’m publishing my story.

I was raised ultra-orthodox (Chabad) in a large wonderful family right in the middle of Crown Heights, Brooklyn, NY. I attended the popular elementary school Oholei Torah and during summer breaks I was generally at a Chabad sleep-away camp. For high school (yeshiva) I attended Chabad schools in Europe and Israel. I was sexually abused […]

scared

We are survivors of the night

I put on my pajama pants. Tie the draw strings real tight. I then put on my second pair. Tie the draw strings real tight. Again, I put on my third pair. Tie the draw strings real tight. Next, I move my dresser and chair to barricade my bedroom door. Lastly, I wrap my blanket […]

The autumn flower of sun flare.

You Will Be OK

Last month JCW Israel finished it’s first women’s survivors support group in Jerusalem. At the end of the group we asked the amazing participants to share their words of wisdom and advice to survivors who are early on in their journey of healing, a place very familiar to every one of them from not that […]

kotel

A mother’s Eicha

Admin’s Note: Yesterday we posted a letter from a mother whose child had been abused by a cousin, here is a personal version of Eicha she submitted to JCW. Photo for illustration purposes only. איכה ישבה בדד העיר רבתי עם How is it possible that me, a family person, one who has kept my family […]

boys

Am I putting my son in danger?

By Pattie Fitzgerald,  child safety educator, founder of www.safelyeverafter.com and prevention education adviser to JCW. When our kids are very young, it’s often easier to control who they play with and what they’re doing.  As they grow up, we often question when to let go or what types of relationships are safe or healthy.  A […]

ashamed

Incest survivor: I don’t know where I would be without JCW

My first encounter with JCW was at an event in my hometown. I had long suppressed my sexual abuse, which had been perpetrated by a family member. I struggled to cope and go about living my life normally. It was hard. I was affected daily, but I couldn’t risk sharing what I was going through, […]

camp one lev

Camp JEM Summer Experience Rebrands as Camp One Lev

The JEM Summer Camp in Beverly Hills, which has come under scrutiny in recent years for its affiliation with convicted child sex abuser Mendel Tevel, has rebranded as Camp One Lev. Rabbi Hertzel Illulian, the founder and director of the JEM Youth Center in Beverly Hills, hired his son-in-law, Mendel Tevel, as youth director in […]

ashamed

Daddy, I hate you and I hate that I hate you!

You can’t be who I want you to be. No matter what I tell myself, no matter what I try so hard to believe, no matter what I see or don’t see, you can’t be the daddy of my dreams. You can’t be the man who comforts me in the middle of the night when […]

egypt

I’m a survivor: on pesach, redemption is what I need

It’s 2015 and I was sitting at the seder table, Hearing the story of my ancestors being freed, I began to cry in silence, Because redemption is what I need. The Jews in Egypt went through hell, Burying each other because it was too much to survive, I think of days I am falling apart, […]