Please just go away!

C-PTSD: I can’t stand you! Get far away from my life and just leave me alone! Stop it with your reminders, I don’t appreciate reliving my past, there is never a good time or place for them so just bug off and disappear already! I’m just so sick and tired of you. all you do […]

Understanding

By Yisroael Ben Simcha Understanding all the tapestry. Woven cloths that make me sing. I love the tapestry of trees. Woven, yet people see what I cannot Children learn like me. Yet I cannot see their tapestry. Their knowledge is centered. Mine is not. I still hear the voice of my Aunt. Willing and promising […]

Why am I ashamed?

“Tell me why you feel ashamed”, you asked. “Please help me understand. You were just an innocent child, And you suffered at his hand.” “Why are you so scared to talk? Why are the words so hard to say?” I close my eyes, and hold my breath, I can’t help but look away. The words […]

As I hold my baby son

By a survivor It’s been a long and difficult day for me. I came home and sat on my couch holding my beautiful baby in my arms, watching him stare into my eyes. His gaze was penetrating deep into me. Deep into my wounded soul. Soothing my bleeding heart. Caressing my aching soul. After a […]

Me against the storm

Sailing down the river in my beautiful custom boat, filled with every luxurious upgrade that one can dream of. As I’m smoothly traveling along the magnificently beautiful ocean, seeing in the far distance how the blue of the sky and that of the ocean blend together as one. This scene is almost too much to […]

Dear Rabbi, you could have stopped my abuse!

Dear Rabbi,  I write to you with a mixture of extreme pain, anguish and anger. Where were you? What were you thinking? Where was your intuition? I knew you realized something was amiss because you made a face when you came into my dorm room and saw my abuser sitting on my bed. But it […]

Survivor to abuser: I wish you would’ve known, seen and cared

I wish you would’ve known. I wish you would’ve seen. I wish you would’ve cared.  I wish you would’ve known the years of pain that you will cause me. The sleepless nights and horrible nightmares. The flashbacks and triggers that bombarder me day and night. The smells, the sights, the touch that bring on a […]

Today I just cry

I am sitting here a shell of a person, bleeding from wounds that I thought were long healed. For so long I thought that I was moving forward but in a family of incest and dysfunction, somehow, I keep getting pulled back in; Allowing myself to be victimized over and over in hopes that maybe […]

Beautiful Yom Kippur story for survivors

There was once a family, not long ago, that had the most wonderful parents and seven beautiful children. Life for both the children and the parents was that of a dream family. Suddenly, one Shabbos afternoon, without any warning, tragedy struck and the mother collapsed. Hatzalah was quickly called and despite their many desperate attempts […]

The death of a sexual abuse victim

Dear readers, Please sit back and close your eyes while I walk you through my life. The “life of a sexual abuse victim”. I say “life” only because I’m physically alive but in truth, a more accurate term would be “the death of a sexual abuse victim”.  Let’s take a walk to the school in […]

Here’s what it was like to finally confront my abuser

Confronting my abuser was a powerful and therapeutic experience. Even though I felt nervous, scared and petrified in the beginning, it was worth every single second. Confronting my abuser gave me an incredible amount of closure. Closer that I needed so badly. By confronting my abuser I got so much peace of mind. By confronting […]

I was in an accident – and nobody stopped to help

Dear friends,  I was in a terrible car accident yesterday. I was not at fault and didn’t see the car coming. It happened so quickly. My car spun around and was completely totaled. It was smoking and burst into flames. I somehow managed to break open a window and crawl out, bruised and bleeding. I […]

This is my humble prayer

Three decades ago. I’m not even eight years old. I’m in the hospital recovering from an illness. A nurse comes in and takes it upon herself to expose me to sexuality. Until then, I was blissfully sheltered. You see, in our community sexuality is an untouchable subject for adolescents. Let alone for young children. But […]

I am a victim of abuse. Why do I feel guilty?

One of the deepest and most painful effects of abuse is the guilt that stays with me. Unfortunately, even though I would really like to get rid of that guilt, it still haunts me to this day. Every day I try and try to let it go, but I can’t seem to do it.  As […]

A child sexual abuse survivor’s Eicha

אל אלא אני בוכיה Every tisha bav I sit on the floor. I cry for עם ישראל and I cry for my own personal galus. Thrown out because I was sexually abused and nobody wanted to believe it.  איכה ישבה בדד… Alas, she sits in solitude בכו תבכה בלילה ודמעתה על לחיה…. She weeps bitterly in the night […]

What I mourn on Tisha Bav

I mourn the loss of control on my body I mourn the loss of my childhood I mourn the loss of my teen years I mourn the loss of joy I mourn the loss of happiness I mourn the loss of peace I mourn the loss of self I mourn the loss of trust I […]

Jerusalem grandfather arrested for abusing three granddaughters

A 67-year-old Charedi grandfather is suspected of sexually abusing three of his granddaughters. The unnamed Jerusalem resident was arrested yesterday and is scheduled to appear in court today.  According to a Hebrew report in Kikar Shabbat, the abuse occurred about a year and a half ago for a period of about a year. The victims are […]

‘I was abused at 5 – then I was shunned’

This is the first time I am publicly speaking in decades about my experiences and even though this is anonymous, I am petrified. I am scared of repurcussions, I am scared somebody might work out who I am, I am fighting the inner feeling of wanting to hide behind a big piece of furniture and […]

As an incest survivor, here’s what I think about

Dear world, This is what it’s like to be in my body. I think of all the secrets that I have that I can’t just say because it is not normal things. I think about how I have been treated. I think about how my brain has been so manipulated. I think about how my […]

‘I just saw my abuser at a Simcha’

I just saw you! You. You, who robbed my life. You, who stole my peace of mind. You, who hurt me and burned me. You, who extinguished the flame in my soul. You, who appeared in so many of my nightmares. You, who changed my life forever. You, who I am disgusted and sick from. You, who caused me indescribable pain. […]

NJ therapist Elliot Halberstam sentenced to 13 years for abusing client

In 2015, the FBI arrested and charged New Jersey- based therapist Elliot Halberstam with three counts of sexual enticement and exploitation of a minor and receipt of child pornography. The arrest was widely reported at the time. The charges alleged that Halberstam had groomed one of his clients, then a 16 year old boy, who he had been seeing […]

Sitting at the shore of the Atlantic Ocean

I’m Sitting at the shore of the Atlantic Ocean after an extremely painful therapy session. I once again went deeply into the most traumatic part of my life. The part in which I never wanted to face out of fear of falling apart. The part that I have nightmares about. The part which causes me […]

Job Opening: Victim Advocate in NYC

Position Title:            Victim Advocate Department/Division:        Investigative Services Reports to:            Chief Operating Officer Status:                Full-Time/Exempt Location:            New York, New York   Job Summary The Victim Advocate collects and gathers information from victims and other community members regarding alleged abusers in an effort to assist in building […]