Today I just cry

I am sitting here a shell of a person, bleeding from wounds that I thought were long healed. For so long I thought that I was moving forward but in a family of incest and dysfunction, somehow, I keep getting pulled back in; Allowing myself to be victimized over and over in hopes that maybe […]

Beautiful Yom Kippur story for survivors

There was once a family, not long ago, that had the most wonderful parents and seven beautiful children. Life for both the children and the parents was that of a dream family. Suddenly, one Shabbos afternoon, without any warning, tragedy struck and the mother collapsed. Hatzalah was quickly called and despite their many desperate attempts […]

The death of a sexual abuse victim

Dear readers, Please sit back and close your eyes while I walk you through my life. The “life of a sexual abuse victim”. I say “life” only because I’m physically alive but in truth, a more accurate term would be “the death of a sexual abuse victim”.  Let’s take a walk to the school in […]

Here’s what it was like to finally confront my abuser

Confronting my abuser was a powerful and therapeutic experience. Even though I felt nervous, scared and petrified in the beginning, it was worth every single second. Confronting my abuser gave me an incredible amount of closure. Closer that I needed so badly. By confronting my abuser I got so much peace of mind. By confronting […]

I was in an accident – and nobody stopped to help

Dear friends,  I was in a terrible car accident yesterday. I was not at fault and didn’t see the car coming. It happened so quickly. My car spun around and was completely totaled. It was smoking and burst into flames. I somehow managed to break open a window and crawl out, bruised and bleeding. I […]

This is my humble prayer

Three decades ago. I’m not even eight years old. I’m in the hospital recovering from an illness. A nurse comes in and takes it upon herself to expose me to sexuality. Until then, I was blissfully sheltered. You see, in our community sexuality is an untouchable subject for adolescents. Let alone for young children. But […]

I am a victim of abuse. Why do I feel guilty?

One of the deepest and most painful effects of abuse is the guilt that stays with me. Unfortunately, even though I would really like to get rid of that guilt, it still haunts me to this day. Every day I try and try to let it go, but I can’t seem to do it.  As […]

A child sexual abuse survivor’s Eicha

אל אלא אני בוכיה Every tisha bav I sit on the floor. I cry for עם ישראל and I cry for my own personal galus. Thrown out because I was sexually abused and nobody wanted to believe it.  איכה ישבה בדד… Alas, she sits in solitude בכו תבכה בלילה ודמעתה על לחיה…. She weeps bitterly in the night […]

What I mourn on Tisha Bav

I mourn the loss of control on my body I mourn the loss of my childhood I mourn the loss of my teen years I mourn the loss of joy I mourn the loss of happiness I mourn the loss of peace I mourn the loss of self I mourn the loss of trust I […]

Jerusalem grandfather arrested for abusing three granddaughters

A 67-year-old Charedi grandfather is suspected of sexually abusing three of his granddaughters. The unnamed Jerusalem resident was arrested yesterday and is scheduled to appear in court today.  According to a Hebrew report in Kikar Shabbat, the abuse occurred about a year and a half ago for a period of about a year. The victims are […]

‘I was abused at 5 – then I was shunned’

This is the first time I am publicly speaking in decades about my experiences and even though this is anonymous, I am petrified. I am scared of repurcussions, I am scared somebody might work out who I am, I am fighting the inner feeling of wanting to hide behind a big piece of furniture and […]

As an incest survivor, here’s what I think about

Dear world, This is what it’s like to be in my body. I think of all the secrets that I have that I can’t just say because it is not normal things. I think about how I have been treated. I think about how my brain has been so manipulated. I think about how my […]

‘I just saw my abuser at a Simcha’

I just saw you! You. You, who robbed my life. You, who stole my peace of mind. You, who hurt me and burned me. You, who extinguished the flame in my soul. You, who appeared in so many of my nightmares. You, who changed my life forever. You, who I am disgusted and sick from. You, who caused me indescribable pain. […]

NJ therapist Elliot Halberstam sentenced to 13 years for abusing client

In 2015, the FBI arrested and charged New Jersey- based therapist Elliot Halberstam with three counts of sexual enticement and exploitation of a minor and receipt of child pornography. The arrest was widely reported at the time. The charges alleged that Halberstam had groomed one of his clients, then a 16 year old boy, who he had been seeing […]

Sitting at the shore of the Atlantic Ocean

I’m Sitting at the shore of the Atlantic Ocean after an extremely painful therapy session. I once again went deeply into the most traumatic part of my life. The part in which I never wanted to face out of fear of falling apart. The part that I have nightmares about. The part which causes me […]

Job Opening: Victim Advocate in NYC

Position Title:            Victim Advocate Department/Division:        Investigative Services Reports to:            Chief Operating Officer Status:                Full-Time/Exempt Location:            New York, New York   Job Summary The Victim Advocate collects and gathers information from victims and other community members regarding alleged abusers in an effort to assist in building […]

Why did an abuser have so many supporters in court?

I just came home from the final court case of a victim of sexual abuse. The beautiful and brave victim got up to speak as well as some other family members. Following that, the abuser spoke as well as his lawyers. There were many people in the court room who came to support the abuser. […]

Williamsburg Man Sentenced for Abusing Child in Synagogue on Yom Kippur

In September 2017, Williamsburg resident Joseph Grunwald was arrested for molesting a 7-year-old girl in a synagogue on Yom Kippur, and charged with 3 misdemeanor counts of forcible touching of intimate parts, acting in a manner injurious to a child, and felony sexual contact with a child under 11. Following the indictment, Grunwald reoffended, molesting […]

9-year-old girl brutally attacked in stairwell

A 9-year-old girl was attacked by an anonymous man in the heart of Bnei Brak while pushing her baby sister home from school in her stroller. The man allegedly dragged the girl and the stroller with the baby inside into a nearby stairwell where he sexually assaulted her for several minutes. He only stopped his […]

My body was painfully used

“My body was painfully used For someone so vicious and bad Until it was scratched and bruised Changing the life I once had This body is no longer my own I tried, but failed to take it It hurts me when I’m alone Because someone evil raped it Now I’m left to survive With pain […]

I’m still suffering years later

To my abuser, When will I move on, when will I heal? When will your abuse stop feeling so real? When will it change? When will it stop? Will I ever climb this mountain will I ever reach the top? Why did you hurt me? Why didn’t you care? Why did you put me through […]

I was raped by my father and grandfather

The following article was submitted to JCW by a survivor of incest. JCW has been working to assist the survivor and her family. She asked that it be published anonymously. Growing up, I always felt something was off but I had no idea that I was being abused. It was just life as I knew […]