If I don’t remember it

Since I don’t remember it,

It can’t possibly be hurting me.

If I don’t remember it,

It’s not what made me shut down…

 

Right? If I don’t remember it,

How do I know I said no?

If I don’t remember it,

Maybe I wanted it…?

 

If I don’t remember it,

Maybe I enticed him?

If I don’t remember it,

Maybe it was my fault?

 

If i don’t remember it,

How do I blame him?

If I don’t remember it,

Maybe it’s not real…

 

That’s what I told myself for years…

That’s what I still tell myself to bury the pain…

That’s what I ask myself when I feel helpless…

That’s what I do to myself…

Posted in media, survivors-letters.

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