An abuse survivor’s vision of Moshiach’s arrival The day is coming. There’s no denial about it. I don’t know when it will come but I hope it will come soon. It’s the day when all the truth will be revealed. It’s the day when all pain will end. It will be on that beautiful day that our loving Father will take us […]

An abuse survivor’s vision of Moshiach’s arrival

The day is coming. There’s no denial about it. I don’t know when it will come but I hope it will come soon. It’s the day when all the truth will be revealed. It’s the day when all pain will end. It will be on that beautiful day that our loving Father will take us and give us a hug and be so proud of us that we made it through the long and bitter golus.

The shofar will sound, and everyone will come running. The Rabonim, the ones learning in kolel, the ones working and spending their nights going out to learn despite their extreme exhaustion.

All the way in the back will be the ones who don’t learn. The ones that don’t always daven. The one’s that are not dressed like the rest of the group. They don’t feel like they belong there and are therefore staying in the back.

Hashem will call out in a loving and caring voice. “Who among here struggled with keeping Shabbos?”

No one will raise their hand.

Hashem will then continue to ask, “Who among you struggled with davening in shul and davened at home as a result?”

Again, no hands go up. 

“Who among you struggled with living life and not ending it?”

Again, no hands.

“Who among you struggled with Yiddeshkeit and had to keep only the basics in order to survive?”

No hands are raised.

“Who among you were abused during your childhood and suffered every single day as a result and had to fight mightily just to get through the day?”

No hands.

“Who among you walked around with broken hearts and massive shame and guilt over childhood abuse?”

No hands.

However, there seems to be a tremendous uneasiness in the crowd. The people in the front and middle rows are looking at each other and muttering aloud, is this what Moshiach is all about? Is this the “Truth” that we were all waiting to hear? Is this the God that we all believed in? Why all the silly questions? Why aren’t we being asked about out tremendous devotion to a life of Torah and raising many children. Why aren’t we being asked about all the Mitzvos that we kept in its entirety and went to great lengths to keep them to the fullest.

At the same time, there’s an equal uneasiness in the back rows. Everyone there are looking at each other and wondering the same question; “is this real?” “Could this be true?”  “Is God really talking to us over everyone else in the crowd”?

There’s a moment of silence and then Hashem calls out in a loving voice and says: “I will ask the questions again and this time everyone please be honest and raise your hands if they apply to you.”

Hashem proceeds to ask the questions and all hands in the back row are raised at the conclusion of each question. At first they are raised very hesitantly but as the questions continue and Hashem continues with His loving voice, the hands are raised higher and stronger.

“Who among you struggled making a seder, building a sukkah or saying selichos in Elul?”

Again, the hands go up in the back row.

“Who among you suffered so much from loneliness and shame your whole life because you weren’t able to come out about your abuse”

Many hands are raised.

Hashem calls out and says “All those whose hands were raised should please come up and sit next to me. Not in the back, not in the middle and not in the front but rather right next to me.”

They all gather around Hashem crying uncontrollably from the validation and love that they are receiving after a lifetime of the exact opposite. Hashem then calls out to all abusers and abuse enablers and commands them to stand up and move to the back row. All abusers are then forced to move to the back. The ones who refuse to stand up and give out their secret are forced to by Hashem’s malachim.

Hashem then calls out to everyone and says “All of you are my children. I love you all and will reward you immensely for everything that you did. All the learning. All the mesiras nefesh for living a life of Torah. All the extra effort that you put in to keep each and every mitzvah to the fullest. You will reap tremendous benefits from it all.

However, this group of people that are sitting next to me will get everything that you get plus much more. They will always stay right next to me and will always get extra. They suffered and struggled their entire life. They were lonely and sad. They were looked down upon and degraded for their actions. They were told their stories are not true. They were told to get up and get over it.

However, on this day of truth I want you all to know that these are the closest and dearest to me. They held on and fought and struggled with all their might to stay alive. To stay as frum as they were able to be. To go through each and every day. To get a job. To get married. To raise children.

To all of you sitting in the rows, all the above came so natural to you and wasn’t a challenge. You kept all the mitzvos because that’s what you learned as children. However, to the ones sitting next to me, nothing came naturally. Everything was challenge and they fought and won the many, many battles that you never saw or had to go through.

On this day of truth, I want to applaud them in front of you all and show them how much I cared about them and was watching them from above. They never saw me, but I saw them and never took my eyes or heart away from them. I cried along with them. I struggled along with them and now I want to be together with them again and will therefore always have them next to me!

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