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Please just go away! C-PTSD: I can’t stand you! Get far away from my life and just leave me alone! Stop it with your reminders, I don’t appreciate reliving my past, there is never a good time or place for them so just bug off and disappear already! I’m just so sick and tired of you. all you do […]

Please just go away!

C-PTSD:

I can’t stand you! Get far away from my life and just leave me alone!

Stop it with your reminders, I don’t appreciate reliving my past, there is never a good time or place for them so just bug off and disappear already! I’m just so sick and tired of you.

all you do is make me wish I was gone so I can get my peace and quiet.

You have been ruining my life for far too long.

I want to know what it’s like to live without your presence, you are interfering with my day-to-day life and my willing to live at all

You stole room in my brain and you won’t allow anything else to enter it, I’m afraid that one day I won’t recognize who I’m sharing my bed with and whom my children are.

I have no room in my brain to remember special events, birthdays, and at times names and faces of those who mean a lot to me.

you attack me the most when I’m near my loved ones and can leave me raw for days/month after.

I can’t be a present parent that my kids deserve because of you.

I can’t go out with my husband or even give and receive any contact without you nagging on me.

You destroyed my joy and love for horses, songs, the shape of the Moon can give me anxiety attack, carrot juice that I love so much, I can’t get in a taxi without freaking out, waking up at 3 in the morning will destroy my month, certain words that I can’t stomach to hear, my own daughter for g-d sake is a trigger, you devil.

I’ve lost my hope in going to school because my memory just doesn’t work, I’ve lost jobs because of you and unable to get employed, crowds of people put me into panic mode, and the month of May you **** it’s the month of my son’s delivery which you ruined too!!!

I labored for so long I labored for days to the point of my midwife having to manually help out, I was pushing for 6 hours while having my bones Pulled-A-Part by my midwife, I’m not a screamer but you bastard came to play, I was yelling and shouting GET OUT but it wasn’t aimed to my baby I was reliving my nightmares.

I was fainting in between every contraction.

When my baby arrived and was put on my chest all I thought was get that away from me I want nothing to do with it, just another male destroying my body

My labor began on the avirsery day of my assault and ended a few days later.

@#*’_$ you for ruining my birth and the first breath I took as a mom of two, @##[email protected] you for destroying my relationship with my kids and spouse, I want this to be over, I want you gone so my family and friends won’t have to suffer or put up with me, I want you gone so I can be a good friend, I want you gone so I can be cuddly, I need you gone so I can help others, I want you gone so I can have space in my brain, I want you gone so I can go to school and succeed, I want you gone so I won’t expect the worst out of people, I want you gone so I can be healthy, I want you gone so I can learn and know what self love is like, I want you gone so I can silence my inner critic, I want you gone so I can call others on my low days for support, I want you gone so I can feel worthy, I want you gone so I can be truly happy, I want you gone so I have a reason to live, I want you gone and the rest of your mental disabled friends that tag along with you.

Go to hell you demon, burn for eternity!

Posted in media, news-articles, op-eds, survivors-letters.


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