Survivor: My abuser abused again and now I have to deal with the guilt

Over 30 years ago

I was molested by my neighbor. A family friend. A man who watched me grow up. A man whose kids I babysat for and watched grow up.

He invaded my private domain, my bedroom. Invaded my body, and worst of all took away my trust in men.

If someone I know and grew up with can do this, then who can I trust??


But we didn’t report him. After all he “only” touched me in my bedroom in the middle of the night. Touched me in a way and a place no one should be touching young innocent teenage girls.

But he didn’t RAPE me! And we didn’t want to ruin his life.

After all, he told my parents that he did “teshuva”

That he went to the kotel and had a “good cry”. So we let it go.

We didn’t want to ruin his life.


And in the 30 years since, he moved away, had daughters, and got himself a prestigious job which involved working with children.

And for 30 years I kept his secret. Trying to convince myself he did teshuva.

So as not to ruin his life.

And all along, throughout those 30 years that I didn’t ruin his life


I’m sorry.

Finally justice has caught up with him. And he can’t ruin anymore lives.

But it is 30 years too late for all his victims!

I’m sorry.

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