To the man who stole my innocence 18 years ago

To the man who stole my innocence many years ago,

I was around 9 yrs. old, on a family visit to Israel when you groomed me in the community’s shul and in the dark stairwell, abused me.

You even gave me a shekel for the disgusting act you just committed and told me not to tell anybody what just happened.

I did, but even so, I never got the proper care or support I needed to heal from the damage you caused my soul.

18 long years have passed since then and I’m still hurting as a consequence of your actions.

I’m constantly checking out my surroundings whenever I walk alone. I fear when a man gets near me, he will grab me aside and abuse me the way you did. This thought never leaves me. In the elevator, parking lot, playground or even when the delivery man comes to my door.

There is a fear in my heart wherever I go.

It disturbs me when I hear on the radio or read in the newspapers about an abuse that happened to a child. I get flashbacks of my own and get hurt all over again.

I’ve done things to myself which I’m too ashamed to even write because it’s that painful to me.

I worry now about the safety of my 2 kids and teach them to stay away from predators like you.

I don’t even know your name or identity and I wish I did, so that you can be locked up behind bars where you so rightfully belong.

– Rivka

On a side note, I must say that this was a hard thing for me to share since I’m naturally a quiet and shy person. But in light of recent events I’ve seen on here, I felt the courage to write this. If my story will help even one person to come forward and break their silence, then I’m glad I broke mine.

Posted in media, survivors-letters.

2 Comments

  1. Wow! Can’t and won’t begin to imagine! From where does a person/monster find themselves capable of doing such things?!
    but your courage is amazing. Hopefully that will help with the healing…

  2. This is so painful to read…..it doesn’t matter how long ago this happened she’s still suffering. Just like I still have memories and flashbacks at my attempted abuse. I wish her healing, courage, and most of all strength to live her life the best she can. Don’t let this horrible man rob you of what was meant to be yours-a full, rich, life!

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