When an abuser dies

You preached goodness truth and light
But you created a monster inside me that I had no strength to fight

We thought you were an angel who could do no wrong
But you were playing with our minds all along

Or did you really think you were good?
How will I ever know
I never could

At the end of the day it started with you
All the misery sadness guilt and shame
You convinced me that you would make all these things better
But you made it a million times worse
You. Are. To. Blame.

Not me! No!
I was a sweet innocent girl
And yes I was sad
But I hope you are in hell
For messing me up so bad

For ruining not just those 2 months
But the next 5 years…
For making me think love is to be touched
For making me not care
You are responsible
for every single tear

I feel pity for you but I don’t want to.
I feel confused and don’t know what’s true
I want to hate you and tell the world what you deserve.

But you are gone forever.
I can’t even give myself the pleasure of justice. Never.

And of course I cried for you.
I was so blinded by the bull*** you convinced me is true.

You will not rule me anymore.
I will not let you take anymore.

From this day on, I am starting new
I am special, valuable and I know my worth.
I am worth more than a thousand of you.
I didn’t know it then, but now I do.

Posted in media, news-articles, op-eds, survivors-letters.