UNDERSTANDING ABUSERS
What Protective Adults Need to Know
The way non-offending adults respond to a child’s disclosure of sexual abuse has a direct impact on the child’s recovery. Children who tell about being abused need to see that adults believe them and are doing all that they can to protect them. When the abuse is made known, adults must face the problem honestly, protect the child at all costs, and place responsibility appropriately with the person who has offended.
What you can do when a child tells:
What the child may be feeling:
Believe the child.
Research suggests that children rarely lie about sexual abuse. Believe the child!
Although it may be hard to believe that someone we trust or care about is capable of sexually abusing a child, it’s highly unlikely that a child would deliberately make false accusations about adult-like sexual behaviors.
The pressures on the child to keep silent are enormous. It takes tremendous courage to disclose. A child’s claim that sexual abuse did not happen (when it actually did), or taking back a disclosure of abuse are common. Sometimes the child’s account of what happened changes or evolves over time. This is a common pattern for disclosure and should not invalidate their story.
Sexual Abuse or Incest within the Family
Help for the individual and for the family as a whole
When a child has been sexually abused by another member of the family, each family member is affected. Typically, the help of outside specialists is needed to address the emotional toll on the family and to assist in the healing process of each individual.
Contradictory feelings
When sexual abuse takes place within families, the pain we experience can include conflicting and confusing emotions. We may feel extreme anguish over what was done to the child, while still feeling love and concern for the family member who committed the abuse.
What protective parents and caregivers may be feeling
Learning that a child has been abused is a time of trauma. It’s important to get help for yourself to help you cope with the emotions, challenges and decisions you face. This may be the time to turn to a friend, rabbi, counselor or therapist for emotional support. By asking your child’s therapist you may be able to locate support groups for parents in a similar situation. The more able you are to cope, the more you can help your child and family.
Sections on this page have been adapted from: Stopitnow.org
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